Grief, Grieving, and Loss
Everyone who has lost someone (spouse, parent, friend, sibling, child, pet) they dearly loved experiences excruciatingly deep pain and sorrow. Loss of a job, loss of health, injury, divorce, or loss of a home can also trigger deep grief, stress and trauma. Some few people can rebound relatively quickly from this loss, but most people take a long time to heal both emotionally and physically. The truth is that for many people loss creates a severe shock in the body with symptoms of PSTD (Post Traumatic Shock Disorder) . The body can go into a prolonged state of flight/flight syndrome which wears down the endocrine system, particularly the adrenals.
Loss and the trauma around it aren’t dealt with well in our society. People are expected to “get over it”. They’re expected to be strong and to continue functioning. No one who hasn’t experienced deep loss really understands that a person “in loss” might function but that they might not be able to feel happiness, safety, or love. They don’t understand that a person “in loss” might appear listless or lazy, unproductive or disorganized. They might also appear uncommunicative, hostile, angry, distant, or be unable to form new relationships. This is what grief can look like. When grief cycles are held for a long time it also deeply affects physical health ; the stress can lead to physical illness.
The following physical symptoms are common with grief and loss:
Deep muscle pain
Pain that moves around the body
insomnia or excessive sleep
Dullness of thought
changes in appetite
changes in physical activity
inability to begin or to finish projects
escaping into drugs, alcohol, or fantasy
The following emotional symptoms are common to grief and loss:
having accidents that injure yourself
indifference to the pain or joy of others
inability to feel joy
hatred towards God or the world
inability to cry
inability to stop crying
self punishing thoughts and behaviors
lack of empathy and consideration for others
inability to trust
inability to bond with others
Often when the grieving cycle can’t complete the body remains in this state of shock for years, without improvement. When the individual does heal partially after loss, anniversaries can bring fresh cycles of grieving for years. It’s very common to have a fresh breakdown around an unprocessed death event or loss fifteen years after the original event. This loss might appear inconsequential to friends and family if it involves a loss of a job, money, status, divorce, relationship loss, or the death of someone they weren’t close to. These losses are important. Even smaller losses that come quickly can trigger trauma and PTSD. The death of a pet who was a child substitute can resound as loudly as the loss of a child of your flesh. Many parents who have lost a child never recover from that loss without help. Siblings of those children that died can have deep levels of trauma, stress, and survivor guilt. Loss of a limb or paralysis can bring feelings of incompleteness, helplessness. And deep grieving. Divorce, relationship loss or death of a loved one can bring such deep grief for the life and dreams lost that it’s impossible to create a new life until that loss is processed.
Talk therapy helps with grief and loss, but it can only resolve what the conscious mind can process. Physical releases through any form of bodywork can release some physical symptoms, but they don’t address the deeper issues of trauma, anger, and guilt. Energetic Emotional Release and Command statements do resolve the cycle of grief, stress, and loss. Emotional Release addresses the areas of the energy body that are frozen in the moment of trauma. The body can’t accept and process the loss until that energy is processed and integrated into the body. To the body, that moment of loss is still occurring. The body/mind has to fully accept the loss before the trauma is released.
Command statements are healthy and healing statements that are placed deeply into the psychic and physical bodies. These are absolute statements that the body integrates as it’s new command statements. They are clear and unambiguous commands, such as “I always sleep well at night”, or, “I am safe”, or “No regrets” . Placed in with enough energy to allow the body to structure new behaviors, these command statements can rapidly transform and release loss and create new hope and positive energy. Command statements can quickly release guilt and trauma and allow a sorrowing person to feel joy again.
No one has to stay in that suspended state of trauma and loss, it can be healed.